18th feb, 2012.

This date 18^th has a certain reminder attached with it. Sometimes out of the blues it strikes me ‘how passionate I used to be, every month for it’. 
Things have changed now to a extent. But I cannot get rid of my past, no one can. I try my best to avoid it.

image credits here

Sometimes I wish I didn’t had to do that, life is full of tensions and stuff. It would have certainly made my life a less complicated.

There was a DJ night in the college, my friends attended it. But as usual I preferred my desk and chair combination. I have a totally messed up social life or maybe I have created this mess. I was never popular among friends and my present life sync perfectly with the past.

Some say college days are undoubtedly the best ones in a student life, not for me.    

Love revolves around

One of my stories was published in a magazine, Story Title - "Love Revolves Around". in Aama Odisha, last year.

“Ama Odisha “ is a literary E-magazine which aims at encouraging budding writers in exploring their prolific thoughts to promote culture, literacy and knowledge as well as creating an ambience of positivism, spiritualism, love, peace and harmony.

You can download the story here.  The 8th edition, on page 79.

 Or can read it in my tales blog " Fabled Relations ", titled   LOVE REVOLVES AROUND.

Dilemmatic situation

I read this in a sequel of a book, where the writer expresses his worries about the success of it. His reasons of worries were: if the sequel turns out to be like the 1^st one; you will be blamed “you are a one-trick pony."

 And if the sequel turns out totally different; then you will asked” this is supposed to be a sequel, did you forgot that? “

But incidents in life are not sequel of a book, are they? 

Imagine a situation where you have done a thing once and after few years it happens again, a creepy thought might arise “it is happening again” and questions like “does it suppose to be like the previous one or it should be different?". Your mind automatically tunes into that frequency, where you start comparing the two scenarios. You don’t want to.... but you can’t help it.

image credits here

Sometimes your steps might tremble when you know there’s nothing wrong but still.

Let’s imagine another situation where you had a bad encounter with a person but you somehow dealt with it, but after few years you stand before that same bank. 

It may happen that the bank this time, is protected and the tides are not strong either. But your heart never listens to you and it orders your mind to sow  a negative thinking.

And together they betray you, again ?

emotional burst....

Whenever I say I am happily settled in my life something or other happens and everything breaks into pieces.  One time was bearable; two times Ok I have a bad luck but again!

Two years three friends lost, countless number of contacts broken (intentionally) I thought life was hard on me but now I think it’s me who is unacceptable.

As I scrip down on the keypads with my roommate snoring away in the corner at two in the morning to one in particular, I wanna express my feelings for them.

To all those lost relations and to the one I lost today…

I was naïve, dumb and shy,

For your grace. I have climbed this mountain,

As several highs and lows proved futile.

It’s your grace,

I am scribbling these lines on paper.

 I still remember how I used to dread The English literature.

Some say I am talented,

Some say I am a writer.

Little do they know, you are the reasons,

Behind every scene and picture.

image credits  here

I miss you all....

Mistakes...

In our exhausting hours when we close our eyes it’s mandatory a face or may be a memory will flash before our eyes, but the duration of its stay depends on our activities we do following that incident. 

We may choose to avoid it by engaging in some priority works in hand or in some cases the person may sit and give it a thought as to ‘why it happened.?’

There are some moments in life which you wish to delete forever, or wish it never happened it the first place. But how often life takes our wishes?? 

Sometimes it takes an auspicious turn; a wicked one, which strikes you completely offguard. And you fall with your face flat! A wicked one, indeed!

image credits   here

Having a special one on your side can prove a boon, but don’t make them go away because it’s then the problem starts. If the mistake proves to be large enough you will end up losing them forever. And how often we curse ourselves for the stupid things we once did and wish………….Ah, life never makes you amend those wrong decisions!

Disappointment is what is left behind. It’s better to take smart decisions than to cry over the wrong ones. Yes, there is the option of moving forward, but it seldom happens quickly. 

Here I would like to introduce a new word TIME. It heals the worst of scars.

Someday I laugh someday I cry,

Some strings are touched, some are left behind.

Some are wired, some hang outside.

Some emotions are confessed, some hide inside.

Words are few to describe you my feelings,

Some are strong; some lie weak in the stand.

Still, the regret of letting you pass cannot subside.

------X----

making your mark.

It's been long since I poured some meaningful sentences here. Apparently it's been long since I read some good post on bloggers; it may be showcased this way that “good posts were neglected by me".

I have subscribed to many blogs either through wordpress or e-mails (not to forget blogger) .But these days I seldom go through them.

Ever since this entrepreneur thing invaded my mind, it has striped out my interest in reading.

Coming back to the title, I read a post today ( I have been following her posts since my starting days). The thing is I have never commented on her blog, it’s not like I don’t like reading them but I never found a thing to comment on. Those posts have everything, and I don’t wanna share something that is already written or write something that will spoil it.

There had been many other cases where I moved forward without making my mark, but there are cases when I can’t control myself from scribbling few words.

The most important thing being: comments or no comments they never stop…And a blogger should never feed upon these.

 .

random thoughts.

Beauty of a person may not always touch your soul...

Sometimes it is beyound those glittering eyes..., 

that holds your gaze for the night.    

                                                                      -- Anurag.

.

betrayed

Imagine a situation when you wait for a friend to get in contact with, after may be….1 month! And you have tons of talk to share, few tears to be exchanged ….and MAY BE you are expecting same (or remotely close to that) from the other side as well.

But damn! It didn’t turn that way, neither from your side and ofcource, it would be useless to mention the other end!

I felt defeated, cheated and betrayed.

Let me tell you about this friend- she’s a girl, (and committed, NO not with me), we studied together in same school since kinder garden and we haven’t met for …….3 years. Thanks, to her busy schedule

.

Now, we are sort of…… phone friends!!  New term?? Or may be not! Oh, I forgot to mention I am in Kolkata and she’s in Delhi.

Now coming back to my dismay, it usually happens that she ignores my talks.....but this time it was heights!!

 The conversations didn’t lasted few minutes and she fell asleep in between one, ignored some of my comments.....and all this was after she forgot my birthday. Ignore wishing, I had to make her remember that she forgot.

Here are some of the conversations : 

S(friend) - how are you?

A- I am doing good, started blogging again.

S - good hai...so missed me idiot?

A- No, not at all, who gave you this misconception. I was too busy to think about you.

S- ya , ya ...who am I ? 

A- there you go, now you get the point.!

S - oh ho ! New English terms! great.

A - you know, I am a writer....

S- chal na...I know you in and out...writer! huh!

A- ahem, ahem. you know nothing of me inside..!

S - kutte ! pervert. !

A - what? I am just removing your misconceptions...
.............

And now I think I am doing a little injustice to the proposed title. 

Giving a title to every post becomes so hectic, and that too when you are writing with literary nothing on your mind. 

Anyways I am empty with whatever I had, saw zindagi na milegi dobara. Ya, NOW. Was sort of busy, past three months. And I am glad I manged time for that. :)

.                                                                   -----X----

conversations with the cousin.

Cousin – di told me about you…

A – Hmmm...What?  (Romancing with the mobile, “damn! The balance is low”.)

Cousin – that,what was the turning point of your life…

A – what was it.?

Cousin – your last affair. !!!

A – (now that raised the alarms. Keeps the mobile aside ), so?

Cousin – so, I didn’t expected you to be involved in these things… you look so serious and focused. But di told me you had a different personality before.

A – (Chuckles)

Cousin – what was the reason?

A- I myself never understood the reason she gave me. May be I was not good enough for her.

Cousin – hmm...but you look sweet and cute!

A- You think so, not everyone around. 

Cousin – hmm...

**Silence**

Cousin – no contacts?

A- Not much, just few pleasantries on facebook. I wished her birthday last year.

Cousin –and she?

A- I block her every time mine comes.

Cousin – why do you do this? (A touch of seriousness arrives)

A- I don’t want her wishes, or perhaps I am afraid she would have forgotten me completely. Blocking her gives an excuse of escaping my proposed thinking........  But she did wish me valentine this year.

Cousin – that’s sweet. Which of course means she has not forgotten you?

A- May be, but I have given up all the hopes. It’s been close to 2 years now.

Cousin – I don’t think so, you still love her don’t you, bhaiya?

**Silence.**

A – I cannot keep the thread holding, when the other end is slack. May be things were never meant to be, between the two of us.  

Cousin – so, when is next one coming?

*** lightens the atmosphere.**

A – (Answers with a smile) not that easy. Don’t have time for these now.

Cousin – but you may fall for someone, you never know. Someone right around the corner could be the one.

A – (Remembers the cute girl in his class) I won’t, my feelings are more controlled now.

Cousin – but it happens…

A – Enough! Now go to sleep, I have to catch the train and you gonna get up late for school, tomorrow.

Cousin – (with a grin she holds her teddy tight) good night, bhaiya.

A- good night,

Kids these days are just too curious about these (mummers to himself)

                                                      -----X-----

me myself and I

Currently I am stuck in  a dilemmatic situation, what to do and what not. Sometimes it’s (or may be always) good to be engaged in different work. One of friend got himself enrolled in a part time job, having been bored to death earlier, he is doing good now,busy from 6 a.m to 7p.m.

The problem with me here, is that all my activities all important, and they make up to the priorities list. I just can't follow all of them. 
Ah! I wanted to use these holidays smartly this time around but I am not doing so. Engulfed in previous memories, fighting a battle within myself, deciding what to do and ending up with nothing at all, useless TV shows….and what not.

And look today India-England test series is starting as well, just perfect! Now I am gonna sit all evening watching those matches and write a bit about them .

The fact is I ruined my holidays, yet again! Kudos to me. Well, should I congratulate myself? Gosh I didn’t worked on my body either, I am growing fat day by day, just sitting, typing and staring at the screen, such a lazy fellow! I hate myself.

That reminds me of a word I learned few months ago “procrastination”, the first time I saw it, I was like “why people use just big words? Opened up the dictionary and searched fir it (yeah, like a school kid, the fact is I am weak with words and spellings) and voila! It's meaning is so simple, didn’t expected that! 
Well, I learned a new word, end of the story.

Earlier, (or may be till today) I get my tales edited by my friend(s), for some loop holes. Sounds strange but I need that. 

And the best part(or may be the worst) is that the concerned person(s) never looked at the published post.
I call them my editor(s) !!


Plastic bags are banned here, the citizens are facing few problems but it's for the good. Let's see for how long it will prevail.
Earlier I used to think all Bengalis have originated from W.bengal, but few days ago one of my friends proved my theory wrong.


Nothing more to add up.!!  :)


.

Indian Blogs.

I am feeling a little of awkward as I run through the keyboard, searching for my next appropriate set of words. I think these set of things are required and I might believe them to be  healthy and encouraging, considering  it might come at a time when one is feeling all time low.!

Ah! Here it is: my blog has been selected among best Indian Blogs, 2^nd time around. Earlier Blog Junta nominated me among The Best Blogs for 2010, in February. When they Summarized  the whole year of blogging in an survey. I had been categorized under the tag "blogging". BEST OF INDIAN BLOGOSPHERE 2010 POLLS

This time around the excitement is much more, as my name features among some top ranked authors like Rashmi Bansal and Abhijit Bhaduri and bloggers, which includes my favorites B Log (Insignia), and youth curry-Insight on Indian Youth (Rashmi Bansal).

 The mere presence of my name among them brought a 500 watt smile on my face. Though I didn’t manage to collect any special tag but still I will cherish this little success of mine with open arms.

Apart from the above mentioed persons some other Blogs that I recognize and  follow are:

- Neha's blog ( Neha )  - Although she updates her blog occasionally and I never comment on them, but she writes them in a friendly way. The most impressive thing that I like is her little resume (or whatever one may call) in her “about me” section.

- Chocolaty Lover ( A naive beneath the star) – She is teenager and pours out her heart in this blog, everything from school, friendship….a excellent poet( I MUST ADD) ,her posts are quite humorous and I enjoy reading them.

Both of them are categorized under Personal musings; sharing experiences; family.


You can visit the site containing the names of all featured bloggers Indian top blogs.

the other necessary details regarding the rules and directory, you can follow their blog page indian top blogs

let it b unnamed .!

Sometimes need of a person is felt when they set a distance (well, it’s a repeated line, you will find anywhere!!)

The fact that I mean to convey is: they have very little significance or their role is never written in bold letters on your life canvas and like a catalyst they activates your journey of life (in a silent way!)
 But a time comes when you start sensing their absence around; especially when you have no one to lend out an ear.
One may call me selfish, but  we are social beings, depended on each other and sometimes I guess it’s good to be a little selfish..!!

Today I read a blog about relationships and there about , will like to mention some lines from it --  “ In a life of turbulence, when a person's presence can you give a momentary happiness, does it matter if that person is truly and wholly devoted to you or not? That moment gives you energy? Yeah? Then why not relish that and leave the rest unperturbed?   “

These lines just touched me, the moment I looked.
 The blogger is fabulous, my best among the blog-o-sphere, she keeps surprising me with her writings skills and the range of topics she pours her hand on.

I am naming this post with a title, my friend selected in one of the blogs , hope you return soon and the purpose of your visit will end on a good note.

I have a dream.

“I have a dream… That one day all of God’s children will be able to join hands and sing…

Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last.”

                                                                                      --Martin Luther King Jr.

Rashmi Bansal is back with another set of inspiring journey of entrepreneurs. Frankly speaking I have been a fan of her books, ever since I read her 1^st.

In her 1st book she had put forward the inspiring work of some IIM grads, who turned out to be called as Entrepreneurs, in the 2^nd they were non –IIM grads.

I had enjoyed the latter version, more to the fact that those people didn’t had the backup material, like the IIM grads, still they were motivated enough to continue their journey.

In this edition she takes us to the life of 20 entrepreneurs who turned their life, not for money, not for fame but for the well being of the society, called Social Entrepreneurs.

The book is typically divided in three sections –RAINMAKERS, -CHANCETAKERS, -THE SPIRITUAL CAPITALIST, just like the previous two versions.

I have nothing more dramatic to write about this one, the book speaks for itself. Though, I would like to throw some light on few of its chapters :

Page 141, THE HUNGRY TIDE - Super 30.

I am sure all the Science students who had ever dreamed about getting into the IITs have heard the name of Anand Kumar’s super 30.

This veteran Mathematics teacher ran his own coaching classes, but  2002 proved a golden year for his efforts, when all the 30 students cracked the IIT JEE. And as they say, the rest was history.

Page 99, PRODIGAN SUN – Selco.

Not everyone here will recognize this company but as electronics students I have delt with this word more than often.

Harish Hande’s Selco is a company which makes solar lighting suitable and available for villagers, this company has already reached its hand to numerous houses in Karnataka and plans to take the project forward in other states as well.

Page 32, RAGS TO RICHES. -  Conserve India.

Anita Ahuja, moved by the lives of many rag pickers around Delhi took up the social cause to improve their lives. Along with her husband she created a unique program that recycler plastic waste to beautiful export quality handbags.

These and many more will motivate you to take up the social cause. 

In her words there are two kinds of people in the world,

1^st – those who think 

and 2^nd- those who feel.

I will let you figure out, the one that fits for yourself.

Happy reading.


You can follow Rashmi Basal's blog. here.

And for videos, forums log on to www.ihaveadream.in

Me, myself and I (4)

1. I am relaxing nowadays, free from tension !

2. But sometimes, rest can transform into boredom; excess of everything is bad.

3. I feel like the character of Home Alone; I am alone in my house too.

4. But the problem is – there’s no thief here and IT ISNT WINTER !!!!

5. And besides I am not a child, that movie seems boring now. See what age does to a person !

6. I used to love it as a kid.  :|

7. That Delhi Belly’s song is always on my mind… Bhag bhag D.k bose D.k Bose…

8. Why am I singing that song???...... Bhaiya I don’t have a clue.

9. there is plenty of everything in my life right now… too many novels, too many movies, plenty of blogs and fiction to be read , there are India –Indies matches , too much music , poems , sleep ,food …….

10. Ah, maybe I should make a time table !! Hmm…..

11. Uff ! Is garmi ne kar diya mujhe… penchar….penchar penchar..!!

12. Another Delhi Belly song. I am going nuts about it.

13. I can now make out how my mom manages the house…!!

14. That reminds me, I have to water the plants too... My father always ask me about them, whenever he calls.

15. I have started writing Hindi poems as well  !!

16. I have to wash clothes too…...!!

17. Living alone can be so much pain; don’t know how that kid in that movie had managed.

18. I made mango sake yesterday.

19. Transformer is releasing this JUNE; I am damn excited about it. Not to mention about X-MEN, But they have changed the characters, the previous ones were nice.

20. Okay, over much to your pleasure and of course mine, I will catch one last glimpse of "bhag bhag D.k Bose...."

BYEE….



.

Budding buddies.??

They both remind me of two friends I had in school, Tanmay and Prasheel (I am mentioning their names to avoid repetition of certain words)

Though the feeling I  get, on seeing them are same !!
Why I can't I have a friend like that ? ,I mean they both share a different bonding together, which completely outlines my case.

The ones in school (T & P ) used to sit behind me, while my partner kept on changing, they both struck together....like for rest of the year. The year was 2005, I have no idea where they are ? and what they are upto..


Okay, back to present ; I have quite a few bunch of friends and they all treat me nicely... but again no one close enough. !!
Few days back we three went to a local restaurant....there i realized 'the last time I had visited one, was 1 year back.'
And that left me thinking : I didn't found a nice company ?? or was I too busy with myself that I didn't made any good friends....(visiting places alone, seems completely pointless.)
Time and again fate reminds me of my lack of communication skills, I usually feel awkward when someone (whom I know) states that he/she is my best buddy...a tinge of disappointment brushes my heart.

Someone once told told me "you have lot in you, which can make many  jealous", I  always count on this statement but don't we all require that one person ? Just one person who can take away all our fears ??

Today, my  batch mates were promoted to 2nd year, while I was busy packing bags for the drive to my home,as another hectic phase of 2 months waits for me ahead.

Here is a poem for my friends (the repeated line in the Ist para has been copied from a novel,while rest are my own.) :

If only I had known,
I was counting my last days here...
I would have laughed a little more
putting aside all of my fear.

If only I had known,
I would remember those days again and again..
I would have captured every moment in the eye,
with something written under,
expressed as "tag line".

Is it a beginning or the end?
of life I had lived in those months
helped me to sing...
despite sorrow lying in the fist.
I gathered the courage to move ahead,
by flapping my wings.

If only I had known,
I would be keeping my mum today,
I would have talked to everyone.

If only I had known...
that today was the last day together,
I would have hugged you all
before letting everything disappear forever.

Crawling back.....

It was 4 months ago that I had opened this page,   NEW POST

I feel like moving my hands over the key board in a arbitrary manner, not to mention I got a new keyboard on the desk and added few extra memory in the Ram as well. But my moniter seem to giving me problems, I will come back to it later.

I had planned to restart blogging 10 days later but I guess the voice inside over powered my determination.

Reason - I would not go deep in it, but I would say I had passed out of the school last year, and with a engineering background I am trying to grab a good college to study. And the gap was for the preparations.

Ah ! I missed this place so much..!!  it was more because I couldn't read my subscribed post than my writings.

I utilized these four months for lot of other activities as well,

# made my 1st robot and participated in a national seminar.
# donated blood for the 1st time.
# shifted my interest from Indian authors to Foreign ones (I know its a lame reason to mention).

cant remember more... I will come back to each of them in coming days.

I just read in one of the blogger's post about 'how people tend to leave blogging due to shortage of time n all'....  I have seen few of the cases myself, sometimes it felt bad because they used to be good.

As for now I am limiting my post till here, got whole lot of blogs to read, few poems to write... And
whoever lands up here , I want to welcome them all.

HI...

multi talented ????

I have changed the blog's theme and have deleted a few gadgets from the side bars.I wanted a more simpler look this time and ended up with one of the options from the blogger choice.


As I sat down for splitting a word or two here, my mind drifted back into the past, and I realised, as a kid I had tried a whole lot of activities or what I should say, I had a wide range of hobbies. It now feels nice that I  was and I am exploring every possible act that my heart longs for.


The interesting part being that, whenever I dreamed of getting into a new one, I would invariably think  "I will make my career out of it" and after few months or may be a year, I saw myself making that statement again, deja vu ????  


I can blame it on the immaturity or hmm..I was too young to take these things seriously, I was yet to see the whole world. And like "a crawling baby,who wants to touch every single thing he/she watches' I just hopped on  every odd thing that facinated my mind. (Though,it still does so.. ;)




It all started when I was...(I don't remmeber my age but) about to get into my 2nd standard; my mom pulled me from the playfield to some silly art teacher,who used to teach people how to draw creepy figures,structure on the paper. Yes, DRaWING was my first..what you can hobby !

I sticked to it for more than few year(opposite to what I have mentioned above) till I was in 7th standard. I won a few prizes for myself in that period. (Much to my parent's delight  :)


In between all that I got facinated by Badminton,

got few months of training(from the local coach) and losed the very 1st match, (of some district tournament) and then there was no looking back; Time to move on.


In 7th, I tied my socks for some ball and wood work,

to be more precise Cricket; got training (from the local coach), played a few match within the camp,got appreciation,managed a inter-district match ; my team lost the match. Time to move on.!!


In 9th ,Xth I was totally glued to computer and its applications ;gaming,softwares, hardwares,hackng tricks. Then,it was nothing to move on with but with gradual increase in pressure from parents,had to concentrate on studies part.


In 11th, I got bored of my text books and sneeked in some novels, on my self ; but I never moved on from it.
I find it facinating till today.


12th was when I wrote my first poem and after few months blogs came in the scene and I am still carrying with it.

And even now, I think 'I will make a career out of my writings.   :D


Then few months back I laid my hands on guitar ; Hey, I forgot I had tried skates too, but it was hell difficult so left it.  :(
I even wrote a poem on my guitar experience, you can read it click  here . Its not that good but if you have time, do have a look to it. :)
And I have a whole lot of things in the world to explore, hope the journey would be smooth.


Okay, its the end, I sincerely appreciate your patience, if you are still reading this line.  ;)


.

Alone

Looking at the stars above,

silently they lie,

on the huge bed,

stretched like a black dot

 in the sky.

And never caring for 

what's fishing around,

twinkling at everyone

back at the ground.

Yet surrounded  by many,

and I can't separate one out.

Wish I had friends in that numbers,

defeating my woes,

instead of roaming

like a lone soul in the timber.

But here I lie below,

solitude on the shore.

Crying with the face down.

My arms wrapped around,

with no one on the place to console.

I wish of a friend to blunt out.

I wish I had forgiven them all.

Loneliness was the last thing, I wanted on earth

but when is life fair to us.?

This too shall pass,I patted myself,

closing my eyes

out of sheer laziness.

Preparing for the violent night ahead.

.

me myself and I. (3)

few points for 29th dec.


#1 - this post resulted from my boredom of 3 days.  X(


#2 - I had a quiet day today(I mean yesterday); as I placed myself in front of the T.v for the whole afternoon. 


#3 - India is playing its 2nd Test match with S.africa , and 3rd day had lots of action. The results would be decided today, I am keeping my fingers crossed , hope India would get the rest 7 wickets.  :)


#4 - It has been ages since we have won a Test Match on their soil.


#5 -  Enough of cricket, lets move the topic.


#6 - Its two in the morning, and I am in NO mood to sleep. Don't ask me the reason because I don't know myself  :-??


#7 - My sis is going mad these days, doing all sorts of crazy things. More so because of her upcoming birthday which happens to be on 2nd jan.


#8 - She invited me for her surprise birthday party.  :))


#9 - Her board exams are approaching; God save her!!


#10 - Currently I reading  "P.S.. I Love you " .


#11 -  I have shifted my interests from Indian authors to foreign ones; Cecelia Ahern and Nicholas Sparks topping the list.


#12 - I saw 'BaND Baja Baraat' few days ago, and it was quite good :)>- at least it didn't bored me. 


#13 - The music is also bearable.


#14 - I wrote a poem today,( I mean yesterday) it's like, still incomplete but atleast I jolted down few words together. I am happy for that. 


#15 - Me and my father share clothes ; means if he buys some clothes from  market and if goes short in size is handed over to me. 


#16 - Thats not sharing I guess.  8->


#17 - But one can not expect vice versa.   :))


#18 - I don't like my friends here;in my home town. I would soon break my friendship with them.  :(


#19 - Nowadays my time passes away with novels, t.v , blogs and some reading work.....


#20 - ah ! its over.  Again not to mention, the title is taken from one of Akon's song. C Ya... B-)




                                                               ----------x-----------