confessions of a bleeding heart...(2)

Confession of a bleeding heart (1)

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No matter how much I achieve in life, no matter how much I enjoy ,there will always be one such moment every day, when I will miss you.

In my sorrow and happy hours,

Your voice will echo,

in my head.

Like a bell in the tower.

Surrounded by many around but the air; with the memories of yours, always engulfs me.As if it was made to hurt me, to make me realize your absence. But the problem is, you will never know them . Your absence will haunt me but my words will never reach you.

The way you hurted me, the way you crushed my emotions mercilessly, the way you made me cry over and over again, I will never show myself in front of you.

I don’t know it’s a punishment I am imposing on you or on myself; perhaps I know the answer. But I can’t help it, every single thing I do, it is one way or other related to you or I should say it starts with you.

This habit of writing was a token of your love and company, I wish I could have showed you all these when you were with me. 

 Few days before I tried of not writing anything related with you, and then I realized how incomplete my life is without your name in it. Even if one counts the number of “YOU” here, it would give some kind of picture. A picture which has your name printed over and over again.!!

Even my best poems and stories are related to you.

They say time heals every injury that can't be seen, but no matter what happens in my life I will forever hate you and perhaps love you even more.

  Trying to get over you, I failed in my attempt.

                                                              Deep in my heart

 I remember you with each passing scent.

                         Listen to me, listen to me for once what I want to say,

                           You are my life; please don't leave me this way.

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confessions of a bleeding heart...

The spaces between my fingers  reminds me of a absence, they longs for someone to hold them, I miss a touch; just one.

I believed those pairs were meant for me but sadly enough that was not the reality. He preferred his merry over all my sorrow and tears.

 I tried to hold on to his trail but they are fading with time.

A question; what was more important; his happiness or my love?Some say you cannot live with a person whom you are not happy with...

But he used to, at least the last 3 years and then suddenly this.

I know he misses me, but with his ever growing ego, he will pretend nothing is bothering him at all.

Night after night I had imagined him in every aspect of my life, but now even the dreams have betrayed me. Sometimes I feel his memories have become a source of my survival, I deliberately try to think of him. As for now I have got only these memories of him.

I have confined all my words within myself; I don’t want the whole world to make a fun of my situation. My friends believe I have moved on but the truth is that I am not strong enough to let go his memories.

Life plays havoc on you sometimes, in those situations he used to stand by “come what may”!

I was addicted of him and now when he’s no more I am finding it hard to cope up from his absence. 

I have felt and now believe it's always difficult to lose someone you love; their absence will forever remind you, someone was here but now they are not.

With the fear of meeting excessively interested pair of eyes, I broke every past connection. My old school proved a horror for me, as there used to be only one thing good about it!! It seems as if my bright mornings have disappeared and I have shed myself in hibernation. 

Sometimes it's hard to face the reality that he has moved on in his life, at times I feel good for him but at other times I ponder "why me"?

I have preserved every letter, shirt, pics of him, sometimes I go through them wondering how much our temperaments contrasted but still we made a good team of two. Over the days I have realized he has made a permanent resident in my heart, but he makes my pain more pronounced, sometimes unbearable ! but this pain is the only reminder that he was once in my life.

X-Men , first Class.

The time is good enough to pen down a review; it took me 2 days to decide “that I should watch this movie” and two more days to write some lines about it.

I don’t know exactly if the director is same, as from the previous 3 versions; but characters are totally wiped off, with only a glimpse of so called ‘wolverine’

Nevertheless I enjoyed the action and the story, it finally reveals why those “mutants” are called “X-men“, that wheel chair guy – professor- X , the man with the power of attracting metals – Magneto….and so on.

The movie is set in post 2^nd world war time, when a cold war existed between U.S.A and Soviet Union; and when Charles Xavier(Professor – x) and Eric (Magneto) were friends !! (seems unbelievable?? But yes it’s true.)

And their mutual struggle against a common enemy who apparently was interested in starting a 3^rd world war.!!! 

The movie also introduces Beast (and his story), Raven (the girl who can chance her body according to her wish) and few other new mutants.

The major action scenes are situated in the second half of the movie but the latter is interesting too, with all the technical stuff (if one is a first time viewer).

Though some scenes are contradictory and out of the book of X-men (if there is one!!). Character changes may have affected its income but then again the action and the suspense picks up the ratings.

Do watch the movie if you are die hard X-men fan (and want some answers to the existing mystery) or if you are sitting idle the whole day, I am sure you would get stuff worth of the money spent.

And if anyone manages to figure out why the movie has “First Class” attached to it, do share with me(my guesses haven't matched with those of Matthew Vaughn)

I have a dream.

“I have a dream… That one day all of God’s children will be able to join hands and sing…

Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last.”

                                                                                      --Martin Luther King Jr.

Rashmi Bansal is back with another set of inspiring journey of entrepreneurs. Frankly speaking I have been a fan of her books, ever since I read her 1^st.

In her 1st book she had put forward the inspiring work of some IIM grads, who turned out to be called as Entrepreneurs, in the 2^nd they were non –IIM grads.

I had enjoyed the latter version, more to the fact that those people didn’t had the backup material, like the IIM grads, still they were motivated enough to continue their journey.

In this edition she takes us to the life of 20 entrepreneurs who turned their life, not for money, not for fame but for the well being of the society, called Social Entrepreneurs.

The book is typically divided in three sections –RAINMAKERS, -CHANCETAKERS, -THE SPIRITUAL CAPITALIST, just like the previous two versions.

I have nothing more dramatic to write about this one, the book speaks for itself. Though, I would like to throw some light on few of its chapters :

Page 141, THE HUNGRY TIDE - Super 30.

I am sure all the Science students who had ever dreamed about getting into the IITs have heard the name of Anand Kumar’s super 30.

This veteran Mathematics teacher ran his own coaching classes, but  2002 proved a golden year for his efforts, when all the 30 students cracked the IIT JEE. And as they say, the rest was history.

Page 99, PRODIGAN SUN – Selco.

Not everyone here will recognize this company but as electronics students I have delt with this word more than often.

Harish Hande’s Selco is a company which makes solar lighting suitable and available for villagers, this company has already reached its hand to numerous houses in Karnataka and plans to take the project forward in other states as well.

Page 32, RAGS TO RICHES. -  Conserve India.

Anita Ahuja, moved by the lives of many rag pickers around Delhi took up the social cause to improve their lives. Along with her husband she created a unique program that recycler plastic waste to beautiful export quality handbags.

These and many more will motivate you to take up the social cause. 

In her words there are two kinds of people in the world,

1^st – those who think 

and 2^nd- those who feel.

I will let you figure out, the one that fits for yourself.

Happy reading.


You can follow Rashmi Basal's blog. here.

And for videos, forums log on to www.ihaveadream.in

Me, myself and I (4)

1. I am relaxing nowadays, free from tension !

2. But sometimes, rest can transform into boredom; excess of everything is bad.

3. I feel like the character of Home Alone; I am alone in my house too.

4. But the problem is – there’s no thief here and IT ISNT WINTER !!!!

5. And besides I am not a child, that movie seems boring now. See what age does to a person !

6. I used to love it as a kid.  :|

7. That Delhi Belly’s song is always on my mind… Bhag bhag D.k bose D.k Bose…

8. Why am I singing that song???...... Bhaiya I don’t have a clue.

9. there is plenty of everything in my life right now… too many novels, too many movies, plenty of blogs and fiction to be read , there are India –Indies matches , too much music , poems , sleep ,food …….

10. Ah, maybe I should make a time table !! Hmm…..

11. Uff ! Is garmi ne kar diya mujhe… penchar….penchar penchar..!!

12. Another Delhi Belly song. I am going nuts about it.

13. I can now make out how my mom manages the house…!!

14. That reminds me, I have to water the plants too... My father always ask me about them, whenever he calls.

15. I have started writing Hindi poems as well  !!

16. I have to wash clothes too…...!!

17. Living alone can be so much pain; don’t know how that kid in that movie had managed.

18. I made mango sake yesterday.

19. Transformer is releasing this JUNE; I am damn excited about it. Not to mention about X-MEN, But they have changed the characters, the previous ones were nice.

20. Okay, over much to your pleasure and of course mine, I will catch one last glimpse of "bhag bhag D.k Bose...."

BYEE….



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Budding buddies.??

They both remind me of two friends I had in school, Tanmay and Prasheel (I am mentioning their names to avoid repetition of certain words)

Though the feeling I  get, on seeing them are same !!
Why I can't I have a friend like that ? ,I mean they both share a different bonding together, which completely outlines my case.

The ones in school (T & P ) used to sit behind me, while my partner kept on changing, they both struck together....like for rest of the year. The year was 2005, I have no idea where they are ? and what they are upto..


Okay, back to present ; I have quite a few bunch of friends and they all treat me nicely... but again no one close enough. !!
Few days back we three went to a local restaurant....there i realized 'the last time I had visited one, was 1 year back.'
And that left me thinking : I didn't found a nice company ?? or was I too busy with myself that I didn't made any good friends....(visiting places alone, seems completely pointless.)
Time and again fate reminds me of my lack of communication skills, I usually feel awkward when someone (whom I know) states that he/she is my best buddy...a tinge of disappointment brushes my heart.

Someone once told told me "you have lot in you, which can make many  jealous", I  always count on this statement but don't we all require that one person ? Just one person who can take away all our fears ??

Today, my  batch mates were promoted to 2nd year, while I was busy packing bags for the drive to my home,as another hectic phase of 2 months waits for me ahead.

Here is a poem for my friends (the repeated line in the Ist para has been copied from a novel,while rest are my own.) :

If only I had known,
I was counting my last days here...
I would have laughed a little more
putting aside all of my fear.

If only I had known,
I would remember those days again and again..
I would have captured every moment in the eye,
with something written under,
expressed as "tag line".

Is it a beginning or the end?
of life I had lived in those months
helped me to sing...
despite sorrow lying in the fist.
I gathered the courage to move ahead,
by flapping my wings.

If only I had known,
I would be keeping my mum today,
I would have talked to everyone.

If only I had known...
that today was the last day together,
I would have hugged you all
before letting everything disappear forever.